My 2021 Revenge-Glow-Up

In January of this year, I shared with you all my plans for a “revenge glow up” (see below), i.e. my plan to channel my (not insignificant levels of) anger (generally at the world/white supremacy/capitalism generally, and specifically at people who knowingly and willingly abuse power and abdicate responsibility) toward self-care and self-love. It’s now July, we are halfway through the year, and I feel obliged to share a progress report, if only for my own benefit. I’m proud of where I am so far, and I could use some motivation to continue moving through the stuck places.

My skin is pretty glowy, at least in my opinion, and I’ve discovered that I like to rock a bold lip every now and again, but especially on days that I am feeling disempowered for whatever reason. It’s hard to ignore the fact that I’m a bad bitch when I see all that hotness looking back at me in the mirror! I’ve never felt very confident with makeup and spent ALL of grade school self conscious about my full lips. I am giving myself permission to play with makeup and try new things.

I am the most consistently hydrated I’ve been in my. entire. life! I owe 98% of this success to the Plant Nanny app, even if my husband rolls his eyes when I tell him about whatever cool new plant I’m growing. This is #notsponsored, just a true testimonial from a person who no longer struggles with perpetually chapped lips.

I can’t really say that I’ve been cooking restaurant-quality meals with any regularity, but honestly I feel fine with that. We eat pretty well from both a nutrient and taste perspective in our house, and meal-making is a shared responsibility. I’d say both of those things are more important to me personally than fancy schmancy meals all the time.

I feel really proud of my commitment to exploring the spiritual practices that feel right to me in this season, and feel like they are providing the grounding, healing, and comfort that I hope everyone receives from their spiritual practice(s). I’ve also grown more comfortable sharing with others what these personal practices are and why they work for me. That’s a big deal for me, and I’m proud of that too.

I’ve finished 7 books so far this year, and of course have too many in progress at one time at the moment. However, i’m getting a lot of enjoyment from reading more, something I haven’t done in some years. It feels good to nurture imagination, intellect, ideas, and wonder. I’ve also given myself permission to not finish an audiobook that I’d put on my “must read” list, cause it turns out I wasn’t into it. That’s a big deal for me, as a Taurus, to walk away from a commitment that absolutely no one but myself is holding me to.

In addition to spending a much needed two weeks in California visiting and reconnecting with my immediate family, I’ve also reconnected with an extended family member I’d been out of touch with for a long time. Family is complicated, am I right, theydies? I feel really proud of myself for recognizing that at any time I choose, I can put forth the effort to deepen connections with family however feels right to me. I need not remain limited to what these relationships have looked like in the past.

All right, time to own up to the disappointing part of the progress report… I have not yet made a fucking dentist appointment, and I was down to the wire with my taxes. I’m not super happy with myself about that, but I’m opening myself up to ask questions about why I avoid / put off certain things, ask myself if it helps or hurts, and trying to speak to myself in a kind and encouraging way when I fail to meet my own expectations. Emphasis on trying. Also I am making that fucking dentist appointment before this third quarter is up!!

Still in therapy, y’all! And I am really really working on listening to my body – my whole self really – and investing whatever resources are needed to get her what she needs.

Big ups to January Mawiyah for offering such tangible love and care to present / future Mawiyah! She’s the real MVP, and I am too, cause she is me.

If you read this and feel jazzed for how hard I am working on loving and celebrating myself, thank you! Basically the only way I’ve gotten through this pandemic (to this point) is by celebrating every single win, however small, and inviting (*cough* insisting) others to join me.

If you read this, and are like, “wow, she’s really out here telling the internet all her business, that’s… a lot,” then you are of course invited to just keep scrolling. But also, I hope you are celebrating yourself in whatever ways work for you, even if this isn’t it! My inner critic is SO LOUD ALL THE TIME, and when she refuses to pipe down, I have to check her repeatedly and also drown her out by gassing my own self up. I’m getting pretty good at it, and I find that it is much easier to continue towards my goals when I celebrate the incremental progress, and get curious about the reason for unmet expectations, rather than berating myself for all the things I didn’t do.

In conclusion… TAKE THAT BIRCHES! *twerks for the camera*

(Just kidding, I don’t really know how to twerk but I’m determined to learn. I have been practicing.)

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January 22, 2021

In 2021, I plan to take revenge* on my enemies and haters by taking excellent care of myself, even as they try to bring a bitch down.

I’m talking quality skin care products, I’m talking high water intake, I’m talking restaurant-quality meals at home.

I am upping my spiritual practice by keeping my ancestral altar space fresh and well-tended, and deepening my intuition by engaging it daily or as-close-to-daily-as-I-can-manage.

I am reading more books, fiction and non-fiction, so that I can deepen my imagination of what is possible, maintain hope for a liberated future, and deepen my analysis and engagement for this moment in our story as a people.

I am being in better touch with family members.

I am narrowing the length of time that I put off undesirable tasks; I am making a fucking dentist appointment.

I am going 10+ years strong in therapy and recognizing that there is nothing wrong with still having work to do to heal. I am investing money in every dimension of my health while I have money in the bank to do so.

I am using a planner to organize my time, tasks, and goals, knowing that the act of planning makes life easier for future-me, and that is an act of love and service to myself.

I am cultivating these things as habits already in development and holding the truth that these practices are attainable, and also committing to celebrate whatever incremental progress I make.

*I am also continuing to talk shit with those in my intimate circle, because I am who I am today, and today I’m not one of those, rise-above, love-your-enemies, “we go high” people. And, I am not called to be a saint, and also, talking shit is acceptable to me if it allows me to name, acknowledge, and release big feelings, rather than wishing active harm toward anyone in my life, *even* if I’m convinced they really deserve it.

How are you stuntin’ on these heauxs, haters, and enemies in 2021?